This is home.
I'm one of those 'strike while the iron is hot' bloggers. No matter where I am or what time of day it is, if I feel a new post coming, I've got to get pen to paper - so to speak - and write. So sitting in the warm spring sunshine on the terrace of an apartment we've been staying at that belongs so a family member I am suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts that need to come out of my head.
We've been here for over two weeks now which feels mad to say and for us this feels like so much longer but I know that people at home in the UK would disagree. This is hard for me to write but for the first week at least and perhaps a little more I felt guilty. Guilty about the upset I have caused some loved ones that I've left the nest and travelled half way around the world. Guilty about all the birthdays, events and moments I will miss. Photographs I won't be in, family meals I won't be attending. This guilt has stopped me from enjoying these first few weeks in their fullest form and for this I blame my brain.
You see, I am not and will never be a selfish person so thinking purely of myself (and James') happiness and life is something that seems so alien to me. But then I realised that if I don't stop worrying about everyone and everything back at home I'm going to miss this entire experience altogether. I'll blink and suddenly we'll be heading home, something which I can't seem to comprehend right now because (if all goes to plan) is still 11 and a half months away.
Talking about going home leads me onto why I started to think like this in the first place. Before bed, as we all do, I was catching up on everyone's Instagram stories and all was well and good until I came across Beth Sandland's. Beth is a blogger who I have been following for a long time and had some contact with through my previous job when she was a London blogger before her travels. She has just written a very raw and emotional blog about her trip coming to an end and not wanting to go home. This post I imagine was incredibly difficult to write but she has written it in such a way as to not seem ungrateful of her opportunity to see the world and I am in awe - Beth you rock!
This particular quote from her post really hit home - "I’m scared that I’ve changed a lot; I know that I won’t slot straight back into my old life (spoiler: I don’t want to) but I don’t quite know how I’ll adapt back either." I feel the exact same way because I know that I'll change over the coming year too and will have the same worries when our visas are up and we eventually have to head back to our normal lives.
I guess what I am trying to say and haven't quite got to the point (I'm not very good at that at the best of times!) is that as I sit here sipping a Twinnings tea and feeling mindful and present that I have realised that this is home. Not a two week holiday in the Med or a mini break in Italy but we actually live here now. We've got Aussie bank accounts and phone numbers to prove it. So from here on out I intend to be fully present, living in the moment and not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Remembering how lucky we've been to embark on this adventure. Because as Baz Luhrmann says in Everybody's Free - "Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum".
So I'll leave it at that. Thanks for reading.